Because BSG Season 2.5 is About the Most Exciting Thing I am Doing Before Friday, I Present...

THINGS YOU CAN DO TO MAKE YOUR MORNING COMMUTE AN ADVENTURE!

1. Imagine your fellow passengers on the subway are in fact baseball players from the 1890's and give them all appropriate old-timey names. Here are some real ones that apply to a lot of people on the Orange Line:

Walter "Boom Boom" Beck

"Campy" Campanella

"Old Aches and Pains" Appling

Dan "Quiz" Quisenberry

and my favorite: Bob "Death to All Living Things" Ferguson*

2. An easy classic: pretend it's the opening number of a musical. Smile. Do hip-level jazz hands if it's so crowded that no one will see you (just be sure you're not groping someone). And of course pick the appropriate song on your iPod. Right now mine is "Tryst With Mephistopheles" by Owen Pallett. It's about an angry farmer named Lewis who wants to drive a stake through Owen Pallett's eyes, but that really doesn't come across in the music. The music is pure Carol Channing!

3. Visualize the manamana video

4. If you have a nice trenchcoat, plaid scarf, black eye makeup, and a nonchalant posture, you have all you need to reenact the Emma Watson Burberry ad campaign! This works for both genders:

People will wonder what you're up to.

5. Don't read the Post Metro. I appreciate that the Washington Post is trying to make our lives nicer by handing us a free copy of typo-riddled, recycled AP and USWeekly.com garbage, but why waste brain matter on stuff that's just going to go right back out the other side? Read real articles on your phone. They have wireless down there now. Or, heavens, a book.

*Wikipedia says his name was actually "Death to All Flying Things" Ferguson - I thought this one was too good to be true - but I'm choosing to go with the funnier source.